I hadn't heard from Jessie in a while and everyone was wondering what was going on in his brain. I had been conversing with Ian a lot, who has been acting as my therapist for quite some time. Talking to Ian always had a way of calming me down and getting me to think clearly. Its actually awesome how he and Brandon bounce off each other! Put me a room with the two of them and I am in utter bliss, I swear! Anyway, so basically Ian acts as the mutual party when it comes to Jessie and tries to make a clear path for us since Jessie actually confides in Ian too.
Unfortunately things weren't gunna go as smoothly as we thought. Ian, at one point, actually thought he had everything solved and assured me that talking to him should be easy now that Jessie informed him on what was going on. Well I was skeptical. I thought what Ian was telling me was too good to be true. So I waited a few days and then I decided enough was enough. I called Jessie. When he answered I got straight to the point - "Have you noticed that you and I haven't had a proper conversation in like...forever?" I asked.
"Actually, I've been wondering about that myself." He said.
Oh really? I thought. Basically I asked him if he was ok and if something was wrong. I expected Jessie to come right out with it. But...for some reason...he decided to play dumb with me.
"No, I really have no idea. I mean we haven't talked in a while, I've been busy with a lot of shit lately. I thought maybe you might need some space..." he said.
"Why would I need space?" I asked. I really wanted to hear his answer. I wanted him to SAY it!
"I dunno. You just seemed like you needed space." Jessie said.
BULLSHIT!
I knew right then that he was pussyfooting around! At this point, I had a pretty good idea of the conversation going on between him and Ian. I knew that Jessie knew, felt and thought a LOT more than he was letting me know! Hell he was pretty much LYING to me!
I wasn't really angry about the whole situation before, but because he wasn't being honest with me, I felt pretty angry and hurt. I told him that if there was ANYTHING up to tell me. But he kept insisting that he didn't know or couldn't figure out what was wrong. It was beyond me.
The next Monday when I picked up Brandon, I decided to confide in him and told him what was going on. Naturally, he thought it was bullshit too. I pretty much laid it out for Jessie and he STILL avoided the subject. We ended up having discussion with Ian and Didi that night over dinner, during which Jessie happen to call Ian. I was anxious to hear what might be happening. Out of courtesy, Ian stepped outside with the phone and the rest of us waited. When Ian came back, I was not happy to hear what was coming.
Apparently, when I called Jessie, he felt that I was not being entirely honest to HIM! For a moment I was in shock. WHAT? The man had little to NOTHING to say and I was the one who wasn't being entirely HONEST! WTF???? I could feel my blood start to boil! Ian, actually had to take my phone away to keep me from calling Jessie and yelling at him right then! I was furious!
I didn't feel right for the rest of the evening. The others assured me that this wasn't my fault and also assured me that they knew I was trying to resolve this but Jessie was being incredibly stupid and what he was doing was not helping himself in ANY way.
This has pretty much been the topic of conversation among our group to this day.
Yes...a month later and this still isn't resolved. Jessie has hardly made the effort to contact Brandon, which is REALLY unlike him, for they're supposed to be best friends. My frustrations have only grown. This past weekend has been difficult because Jessie had agreed to meet up with me last Saturday but bailed at the last minute which hurt. Of course by now I am very tired of the whole thing. I've just about had it. But then something interesting happened.
Jessie picked me up yesterday afternoon and took me to lunch. Had it not for the subject on my mind this would have been fairly normal. But something was off. He paid for lunch and bought me a bar of my favorite chocolate. Again, this wasn't unusual for Jessie, but it didn't feel right. It wasn't the same. I felt that this was a ploy to get me forgive him...a silent apology. Whether it was for Saturday night or for the whole ordeal I wasn't sure. Even when I tried to talk about it with him, he still played innocent and dodged the subject. I gave up on it. It wasn't an unpleasant time, but it left me feeling somewhat empty and mentally exhausted.
Again, Brandon, Ian, and I had a talk this afternoon which was continued on later tonight with Didi. They knew I gave it my fair shot. But told me not give up completely. I really do not want to lose Jessie, I've already lost enough friends last year. I would hate to think that my friendship with Jessie was in jeopardy, but by the way things are going, its going to be difficult for things to be the same again. It still floors me how Brandon and I can talk about me really liking him and it didn't change a thing between us but this...this with Jessie is just STUPID! Very high school.
Thats pretty much where the fail is at present time. Definitely carried over from last year.
I just hope that we can resolve this soon.
~IrishEyes
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