Brandon and I have been together for nearly two years now. Probably the happiest two years that I've had in a long time. At least between the two of us.
For the most part, things have been wonderful. Even despite the fact that he's not my Mom's first choice in a man for me, she has come to accept him as my love. I know that in the end, she wants to see me happy and hopes the decisions I make are the right ones. I couldn't ask for more from my Mother.
But when it comes to others. Things haven't been going as well.
in November 2011, my two best girlfriends (Delilah and Chrissy) and I were hanging out just having a good time. We were pretty much hanging out all afternoon and were just kicking back at my house when Delilah brought up Brandon. You see, earlier in late October, I had received an invite from Delilah's grandmother to their family Thanksgiving dinner. I had called her grandmother myself and asked if I might bring Brandon to celebrate. She told me it would be alright. Now I had planned on telling Delilah myself, but I guess news travels fast in her family, because when us three girls were sitting in my living room, she suddenly said to me "Just...make sure he's nice to my family."
Well I was of course confused. Why wouldn't Brandon be nice to her family? He was never unkind to ANYONE's family! Hell, he was never unkind to her! And yet Delilah still even asked me if Brandon disliked her, which I didn't understand. By now however, I was starting to get the feeling that this conversation was going down a road I really didn't want to travel.
Delilah started to inform me that Brandon's "negative attitude" was a downer on her and she brought up how he didn't speak highly of his own family. This was probably the only time in my life that I wanted to punch Delilah in the face. Brandon was not as fortunate as she and I were with caring and comforting homes. Somehow Delilah never grasped that when Brandon would try to explain what life was like at home. Did she just tune him out completely during that conversation? To make things worse, Chrissy thought it was necessary to chime in with how she was never fond of Brandon ALL ALONG and always felt that he never liked her.
See, what annoyed me most about Chrissy was that nothing that she was telling me now was a mystery to me. I knew how she felt. She's mentioned it millions of times. Jesus, I mean she practically ended our 6 year friendship when she thought that I was choosing him over her that first year Brandon and I started hanging out in 2010. So of course I knew it wasn't all forgive and forget with her. Yet she was now acting as if I was retarded and seriously had no clue how she felt. I knew, I just wasn't going to let it cloud my judgement about my dating him.
Delilah was what actually shocked me (and Brandon) because she never mentioned it, or gave any hints to it EVER. And it had been a couple years. I wasn't sure how she could come up with this opinion about Brandon being all negative because she really didn't hang with him that often. And yet she was acting as if she barely got to see me without him. Uhhhh???? Were there times when Brandon hung out with her and me? Sure, but that was only because Brandon wanted to see her too (Brandon actually really Delilah and enjoyed her company).
Of course at this point, I felt really ganged up on. It was them against me, and I had nobody to stand behind and support me. No middle party, no Brandon...just me to argue for him and myself. All I wanted was to end this topic fast and end the evening as quick as possible. I basically told Delilah that Brandon indeed enjoyed her company, he just doesn't outwardly show emotion very well. He's not exactly in the business in being liked and easily comes across as an asshole and he is well aware of that. That seemed to satisfy the girls. But I had a hunch that Delilah would rather not have Brandon at her family dinner, but I would have to think about that another time. I was on the verge of tears and wanted them out of my house! One moment they were my best friends, the next felt like they were traitors! I didn't know what to do. I couldn't even pay attention to the conversation after that. Chrissy and Delilah were on my laptop, looking up shit and laughing and all I wanted to do was scream.
I had to talk to Brandon. I picked up my phone and texted that I needed to talk to him asap and that I hoped the girls were leaving soon. But to my horror, I realized that I accidentally sent the text to Delilah's phone instead of Brandon's! My Heart began to race in panic, but I saw Delilah's phone on the coffee table. She didn't even see that she received a message. I reached over and picked up her cell. Chrissy laughed and made a comment about me messing with Delilah's new smart phone. I laughed and pretended that I was just looking to see how it worked. The girls accepted that and went on with my laptop. Thankfully I managed to find the message box very quickly, found the text from me and deleted it from her cell. She would never know that it was there.
That was a little too close a call. Last thing I needed was anything I said to be taken out of context and ending in a huge argument. I tried my phone again and made sure to send the correct text to Brandon this time. As usual, he could tell I was upset and wondered what was up. I told him that as soon as I could get away, I would be driving to his house.
After what felt like waaay too long, the girls left my house at the same time. Somehow I knew that those two would be continuing to agree with each other about how Brandon was a no good and I was ready to lose it. My Pops was wondering if everything was alright and I pretty much spilled my guts out about how horrible I felt and what had happened. He seemed to understand how distressing my situation was. As soon as I could though, I was in my car and driving through tears to my boyfriend's house. I asked him to come outside so we could take a walk and I could explain everything. Frankly he was about as shocked and confused as I was, particularly about Delilah. We really didn't see that coming. I cried. I couldn't keep the tears from coming and it was a long time before the flood would stop, and only to start again two minutes later.
That night, I wrote a brief and vague blog on facebook about how I felt and thought that it was to the point enough that those who were involved would know what it was and those who weren't wouldn't be too informed. Of course the very next morning I received two message responses. One from Delilah, the other from Chrissy. Both of which were rather lengthy and came in around the same time. Both writer's explained their side the of the situation, how they didn't mean to hurt me and how shocked were to see my blog (yeah because THAT was shocking and hurtful). Also both were careful to mention how they would NEVER ask me to end my relationship with Brandon. I still have a suspicion to this day that the two of them were conversing via facebook when writing their messages. They just seemed too similar. Only real difference was that Chrissy's message was slightly more positive in the sense that she sounded like she wanted to work things out. While Delilah's message sounded more defeated as if there was nothing to be done or fixed. So of course, Chrissy is the one I speak to on the phone first.
To make an even longer story a little shorter. Delilah ended up making it very clear that she didn't want Brandon to come to Thanksgiving and asked me to un-invite him. I was devastated. I felt torn in two. Yet Chrissy seemed to think that it shouldn't have been a hard decision and that I shouldn't have expected to bring a boyfriend to my friend's event. I thought the whole thing was stupid. Nobody would be pulling this shit on me if Brandon was my husband! But with a heavy heart, I ended up dragging myself to that Thanksgiving dinner without him. Swearing to myself and to him that if I was invited again next year, that I would turn down the invite if he can't join too. I was so upset over the decision that I couldn't fully enjoy myself. I had never have not looked forward to a holiday like that before. And what was worse, it didn't even feel like it mattered to Delilah or that she even noticed. All she cared about was herself and her comfort, and for the first time I really resented her.
Thankfully though, a month later, my mom totally made it up to me when she said I should invite Brandon to Christmas eve dinner. And I have to say that it was the BEST Christmas ever! Hands down!
Anyway, I feel that even now, my friendship with either girl hasn't been the same since that night. Well Chrissy and I have sort of been in a weird place since 2010 or 11 but Delilah and me? I don't know about her but I just don't trust her like I used to anymore. She says that we could talk about Brandon and we have talked about him but I really don't feel comfortable about it anymore. Even though she says she has a better understanding now, she's just not the person I thought she was. The reality is that she has changed since before she went to college. She's changed yet I feel she hasn't progressed. She doesn't even keep guys around long enough to get close to them while I sustain a two year relationship. What is she going to do when I get married? Is she even going to support that decision?
It really makes me want to rethink my options for my bridal party.
*sigh* I'm not really sure where this is all going to end.
What do you think needs to be done? Or not done?
