Men, Women...Pregnancy

   Okay...This one may be touchy for some. So if you have a hard reading about Sex, Pregnancy or abortion, you may want to leave now. Just know you've been warned.


   So I have recently discovered the phone app called "Whisper". For those of you who don't know, it is an anonymous app where you can share secrets, ask questions, and give advise all without giving any personal info or names. Supposed to be judgement free, but there really is no escaping that (after all Trolls are almost always anonymous.)
  Anyway, I can across this one Whisper post by a girl that made me feel rather sad...

"I took my daughter to meet her father for her first birthday. He opened the door and slammed it in her face."

  Well of course my first reaction was, "Oh! What an asshole!" and there were many replies of that nature. But it didn't slip past me that this young woman probably knew that this particular baby-daddy didn't want to be in this child's life. However this doesn't excuse his actions.
  What REALLY floored me though were the reactions this post was getting from some of the male whisperers.

"Well then obviously he didn't want her. Now you should respect his wishes and leave him alone."

   Alright. Now I don't claim to be the know-all here, but first of all, none of us (save the mother) knows exactly what is going on in this scenario. But it could be that it may not have been obvious that guy in question didn't in fact want to be a father. Maybe he thought it was a good idea at first and then changed his mind. Maybe it was a failure in contraception or perhaps he decided not to use a condom. Regardless of the circumstance, there is nothing "obvious" about it as far as we whisperers are concerned. So to me that first sentence is irrelevant.
  Second of all, as far as respecting the man's wishes and leaving him alone....Whether he likes it or not, that child is 50% of his DNA. The way I see it, the mother was simply giving him a chance (perhaps undeserving) to get to know her. He chose not to. Fine. But I hope he knows that by making that decision now, he is waiving ANY parental rights that he has to this child.

  All that aside, it does bother me that the man who posted that reply is so quick to say "well you should respect him because he doesn't want her". Did it occur to this guy that maybe if he didn't want a baby he could have taken better precautions before having sex in the first place?

I replied to him "You know what? If he didn't want to be a father, he should have wrapped up."

  Now let me just say right now that I have been sexually active for some years now and condoms have always been used every time. And all these years I've had my man wear these babies, WE HAVE NOT HAD A SINGLE CONDOM BREAK! Not one. Of course we've always selected our brands carefully and made sure to use them correctly but my point is, this is an obtainable, save and AMAZING form of contraception which should always be considered before intercourse.

  With all that said. I got a reply from another person saying that "Condoms fail." and continued of how the woman was mostly to blame on getting pregnant in the first place and if he didn't want the baby, she could have gotten an abortion.  Now I hate that when that is just thrown out there like that's the end of the discussion "Condoms fail" Period, End of Story. That's just silly. Now what they may have meant to say "Condoms CAN fail" and that is most certainly true...when used incorrectly. But then they had to throw the abortion in...

  Now I know this is a tough one for both men and women alike. Not everyone believes in it. I am a woman and I am pro-choice. But I don't believe that abortion should be considered as a form of "Birth control". It is a decision, and not an easy one to make or walk away from. I think it is something that has to be considered VERY carefully. With that said, I find it very interesting that the SAME person who was going on about condoms not being reliable was actually telling me AND this mother that she should have gotten an abortion! It is very difficult to find words for the absurdness of this person's logic. It was like they were saying that it wasn't the Man's fault at all that this woman got pregnant in the first place, and once she was it was her responsibility to "get rid of it" and if she wouldn't do that, then she's on her own with the kid.
  I could be way off base here, but something really doesn't sit right with me about ANY of that. If I can sum it all up here: HE decided he was going to sleep with this woman. HE decided to risk the occurrence of pregnancy. Yet HE gets to walk away scot free?

Nope, still doesn't sit right.

  But I digress. I still don't know entire situation of this woman and her little girl. I know about as much as the rest of those who've replied. I just find it hard to stomach the fact that there are men AND women out there who will just put the blame solely on her because she decided to have the kid. His actions are completely excused and he gets to continue his life, like the pregnancy never happened. Like many men get to do. Unfortunately, women never get to walk away. Even abortion can't relieve us from it. Even for those who get the procedure done, we don't walk out of that clinic feeling exactly as we did before. You NEVER forget something like that! And we have to carry it around with us for the rest of our lives. Adoption is the same way. You carry a baby inside for 9 months and your body grows and changes and then to have it all taken away...again, you never just walk away from it in the end.

  Look, unplanned or unwanted pregnancy is not a picnic for both parties. But for anyone who blames a woman for wanting her baby and cared enough to give the father a CHANCE to be there, maybe you need to take a second before typing your response.