How do Girls get laid?

An interesting question.

How DO we???

Sometimes I wish that girls had it as easy as men when it comes to sex. I mean when it comes to the physical deed, it is easy. I could easily pick up a guy at the bar and sleep with him. But the difference is, I wouldn't feel safe. A guy doesn't really have to worry about picking up a woman and then having her take advantage him. Its more dangerous for women in that way. Its also easier for SOME men to be detached. I don't have too much of a problem with that. I can sleep with a guy and not feel bad about it, if I can convince myself it was something I wanted and needed.

But even so, despite all this and even though "Times have Changed", there is still a HUGE double standard for women. Its still all about rep. A guy can sleep around and people are more likely not to worry about it, but if a girl sleep with the same number of partners, she's a slut. This is not always true, but its been the norm in many places for a long time. Even though my number of partners is very much in the single digits, I guess I worry about what others might think, although its my business and I don't even have to talk about it.

Its not just that. I also care about not making some stupid mistake. While a one night stand maybe nice for the night, what risks am I taking? I am always protected but I worry something bad may still happen. I don't think I could be fully comfortable sleeping with somebody who's history I'm not aware of. I guess my biggest fear would be herpes, because even with a condom, that can be catching.

So reasonable doubt keeps me away. And I suppose in the end, that is the wiser choice. I mean would it be really worth it? All it takes is one night with the wrong man.

I guess it would be more worth it to at least date the guy, get to know him a little and then have a couple of clean nights :) then everybody wins! lol

We'll just see what happens I guess...

Perfect 10

Is it just me, or are standards for dating gotten like totally ridiculously high?

I mean, I could be wrong but I feel that what people are looking for are just not fair to ask. This is not just about guys wanting to date super models, girls seem to have impossible standards as well. They want a nice, smart, funny guy who is ridiculously hot, that's sensitive but not TOO nice and has a good amount of money in his pocket. Yes these are all redeeming qualities but is it too much to ask? I think so. We can't have it all. Its nice when we find a guy who is available, good looking, well on his feet and happens to be good looking and charming, but he can't be perfect, that doesn't exist. In my experience if a guy has a lot of something, he often is lacking in something else, and that con just might outweigh the pro.

This is what happens when you set out to find the "perfect" guy, you are basically setting yourself up to fail. Especially if you are not willing to overlook the faults.

As for me, I've actually never set out in search for the "perfect" guy. But I'm starting to think that my problem might be that my standards were set quite low. None of my past boyfriends were particularly great looking. They had some nice qualities but in the end they turned out to be oober religious, self loathing, too detached or TOO clingy. What I'm looking for now is a good balance. Trouble is I'm still not fully over my last crush on Brandon and you may very well know.

So what's with him? I find that he has the attractive part down, he takes care of himself and can dress himself which makes up for his height (he falls an inch or two below me). Also talking with him can be highly entertaining, he's nice enough where we get along so well but is cocky enough that it doesn't come across as too nice or needy. He can make fun of himself and make you laugh. He can also be very smart.

I thought for a while that he just might actually be pretty perfect, but ya know what? I think sometimes he thinks he is too and thats kind of the BIG problem I have with him. He sort of puts himself on a pedestal, whether he wants to admit it or not, he does. Its when I get THAT vibe that I start to turn off to him because its like he thinks he's better than, not just anyone but better than me. Or deserves better than me which is fucking bullshit.

I want to apologize if it seems like I obsess over Brandon in this blog, but thats only because I do. At this point in time he is a HUGE part of my life, and being one of my best friends he probably will be for quite awhile...only I hope in the future I wont need to vent about him.

Anywho,

So where was I going with him and having standards? Well Brandon happens to be my glimpse into a man's world when it comes to their point of view in dating. I was having a rather enlightening conversation with him last night which eventually got a tad discomforting because by the way Brandon was talking to me, you would think he was talking to a younger boy who was asking for advice to score a chick. I guess the point he was trying to make was that men have to do a lot more work than girls when it comes to meeting up and striking up a conversation. But parts of the whole thing that bothered me was that he made it seem like it was all black and white and knew EXACTLY what to expect with women. Like all women are the same. It seemed pretty objectifying.

I wanted to tell him that he knew shit about women. Of course you can't tell Brandon anything, he always has an argument. I wasn't even going to bother. But truth be told. I really don't think he knows women. He just knows some...and the majority of them are stupid. Because think about it, if he knows so much and is so great, why isn't he in a relationship. I know its just because he doesn't want one. I'll tell you what another reason is, because there is never a girl who is good enough.

Now we come to men setting standards for women. Some men just don't have any. But some are after the "perfect 10". I've got it down to 5 categories, worth 2 points each: Hair, Face, Bust, Bod, and Personality. Now that one of for the nicer guys that are looking for long term. For the assholes, the last categories can be swapped out for such things like "ass" or even her level of drunkness. But in any case, you pass all categories, you're the perfect 10 and worthy!

Now everybody rates differently according to taste, fair enough. But isn't a perfect 1o difficult for any girl to achieve? I mean, I think myself to be quite a catch but a perfect 10?

Ok, physicality alone, how would I rate myself?...I'm tall, pretty good legs, clean complexion, expressive eyes, long hair, decent smile, slender but not particularly thin, small chested but broad shoulders...hm...an 8? Maybe? I think that's confident enough without being totally narcissistic but you see my point? I'm not a 10! And how could I possibly compete with a 10?! It's like I'm in some sort of beauty pageant and I'm being judged all the time. This is also what's difficult when you have guys for friends because you hear about "perfect 10"s or lack of which. Is Brandon not settling for less than 10? My god I don't even DARE to ask how he would rate me. I'm afraid of it. I know if I asked he'd be honest and I'm not sure if I'd want his honesty about that. It probably would make me want to starve myself or go running until I pass out.

I believe if you want to be happy with ANYONE, even if you find your "perfect 10", you're going to have to compromise at some point. I've come to understand that. Its about balance. But am I going to find a great guy who is willing to compromise with me?

I could have danced all night...

I just got home and I'm still a little drunk. I should go right to sleep but I feel I should right this down now while I'm still feeling strong and completely honest.

I went out with Brandon, Jessie and Terra tonight. Went to a bar with an awesome dance floor and there was no cover charge and Terra payed for my drinks. There were a lot of people tonight and although the evening started out slow we soon were all dancing on a glowing dance floor with bodies surrounding all over.

There were a lot of guys with their eyes on me. Some were kind of cute but nobody I was really interested in. There was a turkish guy whom I'd met before and wanted me to go home with but I wasn't about to let that happen. I wasn't about to leave my boys. Brandon and I had an understanding: If a guy bothers me, he's my get out free card. Brandon would be my boyfriend. I couldn't have been happier. It could have easily been Jessie. I know its really not anything, but just the fact that he cares enough. I figured there would have been no reason for rescue however. Most guys seemed to be going for Terra.

I figured wrong...

As I said there were quite a few guys with their eyes on me, the Turk and a few others. There was this guy in a grey sweatshirt that tried to grind up behind me. Jessie pulled me towards him and Brandon and suddenly I was dancing between them, Brandon and I were front to front. This went on for a little till Grey shirt went away and Jessie went to dance by himself. Brandon and I continued to dance together. I always loved dancing with him. Gives me an excuse to be close to him. Another guy in a red shirt tried to get at me but Brandon and I kept moving closer together, our bodies were in sync. It was a moment I've dreamt for so long. I haven't danced with him like that since Valentine's Day 2009 when we first went out dancing together. I so bad wanted to rest my heavy head on his shoulder but I didn't dare. He and I continued to dance relatively close for the rest of the night, looking out for each other.

By the end of the night, I wanted to cry. Not really out of joy or sadness, but out of pure wanting. Wanting physical attention, wanting love, wanting him. I so badly want him to want me. It is so unfair. How can I be aloud to be so close to him yet have to keep my emotional distance?

Damn it.

With rape, there are NO exceptions...

I don't hate men. I just hate what some men do. I also hate what some men say.

Rape a girl and then lie about it? You're not only a disgusting criminal but you are a coward!

~ We all know that rape is wrong. Oh sure, we all say it. Its always the same. Any asshole who would dare touch an innocent girl when she doesn't want it should be put behind bars, no questions asked, right? Right? Why yes, of course!

That is...until the girl herself is questionable...

Well she was wearing a short skirt. She was flirting with him. She didn't tell him to back off right away! She was ASKING for it!!!

.........

I am going to make this clear right now. Any man, I don't care if he's my best friend or a total stranger, but if ANY man has the gull to say that girls "ask for it", if they EVER say that to my face...you can be sure, that I will never speak to them again.

That goes for ANY ignorant women as well.

NOBODY ASKS FOR RAPE!!!

There is a difference between asking for something and putting yourself at risk!

I understand that some women are reckless, troubled and don't always know what's good for them, but that doesn't give men the excuse to do what they want.

This is the problem with thinking as sex is some kind reward. Nobody deserves to get laid. So I flirted with you at Rocky Horror, at the Bonfire, or the football game, so you think you earned sex at the end of the line?

Are men so over sexed that its become such a need?

No. Its not just about the sex. Its about hurting women. I hate hearing guys talk about not getting laid and getting mad at girls like they think its something they NEED or deserve. What are your nads gunna fall off? DEAL with it!

Boys will be boys, its a whole lot of horse shit.

There is just...so much of this sort of thing that is so wrong and disgusting that I can't even begin to blog all about it. Every step I take in typing this out only creates new points that I have to touch.

How can I possibly make the world understand that there are NO exceptions to rape?

I can't even make my friends understand...

Jessie...he made me so angry once, I HAD to stop the subject. He said that some women do ask for it. He doesn't understand. Even if thats not how he meant it...he doesn't get how even uttering those words just opens door for other men to hurt people!

Would he say that had it been me?

You guys talk about it like its a consequence for women who just want to be thought of as attractive, some guys even joke about it at times!

Don't you get it? Its scary!!!

The fact is that some of you will NEVER understand how it feels to have NO control of your own body! You don't have to be aware of your surroundings at all times, you're not as easily taken advantage of. Do you have a single clue what its like to know that you are weaker? And no matter how much you know, or how hard you fight or how loud you scream people will still turn their backs.

I may not have been raped. But I know how it feels to be taken advantage of and then lied about. I made the mistake of blaming myself and I was fearful.

This is what uttering "she asked for it" does to women. It makes them not want to fight back and makes that disgusting lie more true to people.

If a girl says "No" its rape. Don't ever try to make it something else.