Growing Thoughts

I've been wanting to write for the last few days and have had so many thoughts yet I'm finding it difficult to get it down on paper. Its amazing what stories and characters flood through my mind yet I don't have the words to get them out! But at least they don't leave. Whenever I imagine a character I like, they pretty much stick. Maybe they just need time to grow and evolve in my mind before I can get them on the page. Like how a baby grows in the womb, they wont survive unless they've been there long enough.

Ian and I have been doing a lot of talking lately. I feel that talking to him releases a lot of my built up tensions. He has a real gift. If there is ever a time where I REALLY need somebody to talk to, he is always there ready to listen. "Couch time" we call it. This is why I will often call him my "therapist". Come to think of it, I also refer to him as my "Sensei" being there is always something new to learn that he can teach me.

Unfortunately he is having troubles of his own. I can only imagine what he must be feeling. I can only hope that I can offer him any of the comfort he gives me all the time!

Its interesting. Despite what Ian and our other friends tell me, I still can't help but wonder what it is I have done to gain such an awesome circle of close friends. It still blows my mind because I never used to find myself to be a particularly special person. I say "used to" because there are some days where I feel I'm on top of the world and am an amazing person (particularly when I'm with my friends). But back in the days of my childhood, I never seriously found myself amazing at all. I was average at best, if not dull.

So what has changed? Have I changed? Sure. But could it really be that much? What do Ian, Didi, Brandon and Jessie REALLY see in me? Even my Best friend Delilah, whom I've kept the longest of all my bests, sometimes I wonder what it is about me that she loves so much. I guess they have all told me many times, thousands of times even. So why hasn't it sunk in yet. Why is it so hard for me to just believe it? Why are we always so quick to believe the insults instead of the compliments?

Because of the Golden rule perhaps. I was always told its either say something nice, or nothing at all. Maybe I'm just used to being around genuine people yet. Can't say that Chrissy was a huge help in that department, considering that she would choose her stuck up bitch of a best friend over me, or ditch me for her boyfriend.

That's Just another one of those things that I probably spend too much time thinking about.

Anyway...I've rambled a great deal. That's another thing about writing late at night, my mind if FILLED with thoughts, but they all get so jumbled together because I'm sooo tired...

I GOT NEW SHOES TODAY!!! lol another one of Ian's awesome ideas.

Ok on that happy note. I shall say Goodnight.

~IrishEyes