I mean I haven't posted a real blog in about six or seven months and at the end of one of last ones I had written that I was in Love and I kind of left it at that! But I suppose I thought it was exciting having a secret romance, that I couldn't even blog about (even though I don't use real names). But now after months of waiting its finally out in the open and I feel I can just let it flow into the blogger world.
As few of you may have guessed, the love I was referring to was Brandon and we have been together in an actual romantic relationship for over 11 months. I can't believe its almost been a year already, although sometimes it seems much longer considering how I've been totally in love with him for a good couple of years. I'm still not sure how it happened. Sometimes I have to stop and think about it, think about where we are, where we were, and how we got from there to here. Sometimes I wonder if its all even real. Even last night when we were making love a small thought lingered in the back of my mind "How did I get here? How can something so amazing happen to me?" Brandon and I even had this little joke going on that I fell into a deep sleep one night and I would probably wake up and we'd be back in May 2010 and we'd be back to being best friends in stage combat class and this whole year would have been one long, painfully Amazing dream! Can you imagine? I probably would be borderline suicidal if that were to be true lol But it DID all happen!
Imagine its April 31st 2010, about 11pm. Brandon and I are driving back to his house after seeing the new "Nightmare on Elm street". Brandon seemed particularly quiet. Like always, I was thinking in my head, wouldn't it be so nice if he just reached over and told me he wanted me? Well I was in for the surprise of my life. We pulled up in front of his house and I expected that he would just give me a hug and go as he always did but this time he lingered. Silently. "hmm" he said. I did the same. I couldn't imagine what he was thinking. The engine was still running. Then suddenly..."Do you ever think about us?" he asked.
"About you and me?" I asked.
"Yeah"
I thought my heart might have skipped several beats. I wasn't sure what to say but there was something else that I did know "Maybe I should park the car..."
Long story short, I told him that of course I thought about us, DUH, all the time! He said that he had been thinking about us more and more and he wanted to give it a shot if I still wanted to. And I said "Yes, let's give this a go." At first we sat and talked like we normally did, and maybe 45 minutes later I got brave enough to bring my hand to his face. After that things moved quicker. I don't think either of us knew if it was real. Even Brandon thought it felt surreal. We were sharing the front seat of my car within the next hour. Its amazing how one night changes the course of your life. And yes, I would say that he has changed the course of my life.
Since that night, I have lost 20 pounds, enrolled into a massage therapy program and am just months away from graduation. I've been working at the portrait studio that I worked at a couple years back. Originally I had quit that job because I found it overwhelming. But with Brandon's support I felt strong enough to go back when they asked for me.
All in all, things have greatly changed for the better. Again, its been almost a year, which is actually a record for me! The longest relationship I ever had was 8 months and that was my first relationship, since then, the longest I've had was 4 months and every thing else was only 2. I never felt I had any commitment issues, its just I never wanted to waste anyone's time when I knew it wasn't real. But I have a feeling that this could be the real thing with Brandon. I have never felt this way about anyone, I had never waited this long for anyone.
I really don't know any other way to say it without it sounding so cheesy :) Why does it seem that everything about love has now become so cliche? Or maybe it hasn't. Maybe its the fact that 50% of marriages end in divorce and kids in high school are saying "I love you" right and left and then breaking hearts (sometimes on purpose) that has made us all so cynical that nobody can believe love is the real thing when it comes along. But then I look at my parents, in their 50s and 60s and still love each other. I see Chrissy's parents who got married only 6 months after they met and they are still very much in love...
Then I see Brandon...
I see him sitting across the room at his desk chair, or at the foot of the bed watching me. I see him and I think "I love him." Just the same as I thought when I watched him get out of my car after I'd drive him home from school. It hasn't changed, not a bit.
I love him.
No comments:
Post a Comment