A little over a year ago, I started making some changes. I took matters into my own hands and took some chances. As a result I've made some connections and gotten closer to my guy friends (one in particular). All this has been pretty much amazing. I knew what I wanted and I went for it. Although it didn't come out quite like I was aiming for, it turned out to be something I don't want to be without. After all, in my experience, friendships last a great deal longer than romantic relationships.
So far this doesn't sound half bad, not really cause for a year to be a fail. Well stick with me, my story gets better!
So my schedule was changing quite a bit. Many times I'd be hanging out with the one particular guy (we'll call him Brandon). Brandon and I had actually been...well aware of each other's existence for at least a year before we really began talking. I always was interested in him but took a while to realize we actually had common interests. Anyway, after we realized we actually lived nearby we started hanging out a lot. So much that others were taking notice...
Up until recently, I would spend most of my free time with one of my two best girlfriends (Christine). Chrissy was supportive with my "crush" at first but after one meeting with Brandon she quickly made up her mind that he was no good. She said that he talked too much and reminded her of one my annoying ex's. Funny thing about that was that he was as civil as he could be despite that fact that SHE kept talking and kept trying to argue with him about silly things.
After that, whenever I mentioned Brandon, the eyes rolled. If she called and I was already hanging out with him, she'd act like I hadn't seen her in years. It was really nothing personal! It was really first come first serve, and Brandon usually got a hold of me first. Even when I did try to make plans with Chrissy she wasn't always available, she was often with her boyfriend. So naturally, I assumed it wasn't a big deal. Apparently I was very wrong...
Brandon and I had an arrangement that I would give him a ride to school on fridays to meet up with a scene partner for an acting class. One friday morning it completely slipped my mind and when Chrissy called me to hang out I agreed happily and headed over to her house. After I was there for about 15 minutes, we were still trying to figure out what we wanted to do when I got a text from Brandon, "I'm ready". It took me a few seconds to realize the mistake I made, and I could feel the color drain from my face! I told Chrissy my dilemma hoping that she would understand how horrible I was feeling. She would have none of it. She kept insisting that I stay, and continued to ask why did I have to give him a ride, why couldn't he asked somebody else or take the bus. I told her that we made this arrangement because it was the most convenient and that it was too late to find somebody else, or else he would be late for his meeting. I took off to take him to school and told Chrissy I'd call her if she still wanted to hang out.
Upon picking up Brandon, I had a vague idea on what would be coming within the next hour.
By now I knew that Chrissy was tweaked that I was spending so much time with him. I remember there was one time where she was supposed to call me after class and we would MAYBE meet up. No actual plans were made. Brandon called me up and asked if I wanted to grab lunch. I thought I still had an hour or so to spare so why not? We just went to pick up some fastfood. While we were out Chrissy called me and asked where I was, when I told her she said I was being inconsiderate because we already had plans! Um...no, we planned that we talk, we didn't have official plans yet. I actually invited her to join us but she declined.
After remembering that ordeal, I knew that this time probably wouldn't be so brief. I got Brandon to school where we waited for his classmate to show. I told him about my situation with Chrissy and he suggested I give her a call. She was outraged! She told me that I was ditching her for a boy and she couldn't understand why I have to "babysit" him at the school. "It's even like he's your boyfriend!" she said "He's just a GUY!"
I felt like I just smacked in the back of the head. It was true. He was not my boyfriend, and yeah I did like him a great deal but he and I already established what we were. Friends. He was my friend, and a great one at that. A friend that I made a prior commitment with!
"No" I said "That's not fair. He's my friend too!"
"...well I'm happy HE has such a good friend."
I was crying. It was never my intention that she would feel this way. I felt completely torn up inside. There was no way I could fix this, or help her understand. But at the same time, I was so angry. So what if Brandon wasn't my "boyfriend"? Did that mean that if he was, this would be all ok? From what Chrissy was saying it seemed like was perfectly acceptable for her to ditch me for her boyfriend. Which brings me to another point, I never DITCHED her! It was purely bad luck and timing! Like I said before, there was NOTHING personal.
After a couple of hang ups, we actually spoke on the phone like human beings but it was awkward. I apologized and told her I would like to make some time with her. It didn't feel like she was really taking me seriously. When I told her how I cared about her, she told me that I made it seem like we were lovers or something. That alone made my blood boil. Was Chrissy mocking me?
I didn't see her again that day. Even if I could've brought myself to drive over there, we probably would have both been miserable. After Brandon was through with practice, we spent the afternoon together. I felt better after that.
That was almost a year ago. One of the 2009 fails.
Even now Chrissy and I aren't actually speaking. She had told me once that I had changed. I agree with her, I have changed. I am not the person I was a year ago. But you know what? I don't think thats a bad thing, and I don't see why it should be. People grow and change all the time and I find that to be a positive thing. I love the person I am becoming. I just wish that she could be part of it.
This concludes my blog for tonight.
Next time...did 2009 get any better? worse?
I'll tell you ALL about it...
~IrishEyes
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