Emotional Exhaustion

It feels I haven't written in forever. Especially since I am somebody who usually writes religiously. It feels there is so much to tell, and so much I shouldn't tell. Its strange. Its like these days are my happiest and saddest at the same time. But mostly happy, I assure you. The only reason I say sad is...well I am an emotional person by nature and often feel that when something is too good to be true, it just very well might be.

Take my weight for example. At the end of my diet, I had lost 15 pounds. I felt amazing and happy. But then scared. I mean I worked so hard and now my diet is technically over. Sure, this meant I was aloud to eat more of what I wanted...but I was also afraid. Afraid that even if I kept working out, that I would gain the weight back and somehow all that hard work and effort would be wasted. But Brandon assured me that so long as I keep working out hard and just keep in check what Im eating, I should be just fine. And for the most part he seems to be right. I even kicked my workout up a notch to keep myself in check. But as that time of the month rolled around I felt myself bloat a little, even though I drank mostly water and tried to moderate my fatty foods. I checked the scale...gained 3 pounds. But thats water weight, but still it scared me. But then I thought to myself "Hey, its only 3 pounds. You are still working hard, and if thats not enough, just lay off the fatty shit. Its not that hard. You've done it before and you can keep it up. You have all of your life to keep this off, there is no deadline."

And I find that so long as I do my workouts, I do feel better about myself knowing I am working myself to a good sweat. Never thought I'd feel good knowing my face is beat red. Anyway, that is part of my emotional exhaustion. Its a big part actually. But not all of it. Another part is that I am starting a new chapter in my student life. I am leaving community college and finally moving on to something new. Since I didn't get into the university I applied for, I have registered into a message therapy program that I will be taking classes in for about a year. I am excited but scared at the same time. This is really the first time that I applied and successfully registered for a school without one bit of help from my parents and for me that is huge. Usually my Mom has to walk me through the process or help me out in some way. But neither of my parents have so much set a foot in this place. Honestly this is probably the most adult decision I have ever made in my life. That might sound a bit of an exaggeration to some of you, but to me...its pretty big. So that is the second part of my exhaustion.

But the third? Probably the most important and life changing...

I'm in Love.

~IrishEyes